Photo by me from my archive.
Dear Future Self,
Today I discovered, or understood, that there really is no lack.
One of the things I find most difficult is to do something that is different from what everybody else is doing. Maybe not even doing, but thinking.
Like, that there is no lack. This is nothing that the people who I meet and interact with would agree to without explanation.
They say that you are the average of the five people you surround yourself with the most.
The people I surround myself with are spiritual teachers, wise people, the best in their field when it comes to personal development, finding peace, living peacefully and with grace.
They are not always the same people, but some I hang out with daily for a period of time.
It’s easy to be in their company, it’s inspiring, and it is peaceful. It’s created a whole new kind of trust to mostly listen to people who do not have one bad word to say about anyone or anything.
But the conversation also only goes one way. Not that I’ve felt like I ever needed to add anything. I just listen, take it to my heart and am grateful, for new perspectives and knowledge.
And of course, I try to put it into practice. I think the dogs enjoy it too. There’s so much less impatience in me. I sing to them in the mornings so that we can celebrate the beginning of a new day together.
I sit with them until they fall asleep, before I go to bed. And in between we have long walks and enjoy plenty of outdoor times.
I don’t feel lonely any more, being by myself. I’m not afraid of quiet any more. I seek it, I love it.
When I don’t know which direction to go or what to think or do about something, I sit quietly and wait. For an answer to come. It always does.
I know that I have to now take what I found out to be around other people and bit by bit see how it works when I’m around people who are not as peaceful and quiet.
I’m grateful for the changes around me that give me that opportunity. And I notice the difference.
Things that used to upset me, don’t upset me any more. There is still the habitual thought sometimes, that comes up to say: Oh, but you should say something about that!
But then I see that there’s no reason because it really doesn’t even bother me any more. I can just take it and be grateful for the opportunity that came up for me to realize I don’t have to be upset.
So more people, more growth. More chances to try new ways of experiencing things.
Yesterday it finally clicked and I understood that there is no lack. That I was just making it up.
Yet, I still experience a fear to say it. Because I know that there will be people reading this who won’t believe it. And the fear of exclusion is real. In theory, I know it doesn’t matter. In practice, it still breaks my heart a little.
But I also know how to take care of my heart now. How to nurture it when it hurts. So, I suppose nothing can be lost, really.
I hope you have a good day, and I can’t wait to find out what my future self will have to say about all of this.
Love,
Verena
► My Future Self Journal ▼
Why do I write to my future self? ◼︎ ●
Self-Actualizing, personal development, the search for more options, finding out how to actually live our best lives, or simply experiencing growth and change for any reason, might feel weird, scary or uncertain. Yet impermanence or becoming is something we all share.
I started to write and publish some diary post a while ago, and looking back at them even a month later, I felt like I should rewrite them because my perspective had changed so much.
But that would be like trying to erase the most essential part: the journey.
We don't just arrive at a certain point, we struggle, fight, fall down, run in the wrong direction, come back, stand up, fall again and yet continue.
We laugh, love, enjoy, paint, sing, dance, discuss and find ourselves surprised by the unexpected. With every experience, we spiral up and can dive into deeper levels of experience and understanding if we allow ourselves to do so.
This series is a documentation of a journey into the unknown.
It shows how vulnerability and fear can be present, and welcomed, and not stop us.
It's about admitting mistakes and acknowledging how easily we can be wrong, no matter how mindful, present, in tune and aware we are.
We'll never know until we try.
But most of all it's about celebrating life in all its different forms and shapes, colours and sounds and tastes, in depth and lightness - to witness life's endless beauty and continuous unfolding.
We are all a part of life's magnificence, the question is: How much of it do we allow ourselves to enjoy and experience?
The more we open up and liberate ourselves from what we thought we knew, the more we allow to see things in new ways and the more love we share, the more magical life becomes.
May we open our present with presence and let our future selves continue to experience life wholeheartedly.
May my honesty inspire yours and show you that there is nothing to fear. Everything is working out for the greatest good. ❤️
With lots of love for you and this world,
Verena
