I wanted to write a little bit more about what it means to be a conscious creatrix of our lives, especially when it comes to saying goodbye to a pet, but this is also true for many other things.
Like I said in my previous post, a couple of days before my dog Izabella died, I talked to him some months ago to tell him about the upcoming changes in my life, so he could make his own decision, accordingly.
Now this is nothing I’ve been raised to do, or seen other people do very much, but it is how I choose to live.
When I took him to the vet, two weeks before his death, it wasn’t because I didn’t know what was going on, it was because I didn’t feel like I can hold it all by myself — yet.
Even though, I’ve been doing so much work of letting go of not so helpful cultural beliefs and have been training my medical intuition and healing powers, I needed the diagnosis to somehow communicate his nearing departure from physical form with the world.
Because it still feels a bit intimidating to say, that I actually know what is going on and that I don’t need a medical expert to tell me what they think. Yet it is true.
And after that visit to the vet, we continued on our own again.
I told a friend that day that we had two more weeks, something I had forgotten again until she reminded me of it, when he did die two weeks after.
It surprised me, surprises me still, but when I was at the vets and saw the X-rays, I knew it was two more weeks.
After I had returned from the vet, settled down and admitted to what was going on, I told some of my closest friends and family that Izabella had cancer, so they could mentally prepare as well. He’s been in the lives of many.
And while I was crying, allowing for all the pain, while also knowing it’s all for the best, I heard the question: What do you want?
As I had friends coming to visit for a couple of days, and another friend coming by to say goodbye to Izabella after, I said that it would be really nice if we could have some last nice days with the guests and then, if he died, when the other friend was here so that he would have the chance to say goodbye and I wouldn’t have to be all by myself when he died.
I did not think about the two weeks at all because while I’m learning to trust myself more, I don’t yet do it fully.
But it’s exactly how it went. That day when we came back from the vet he was doing pretty badly, but then after I said what, I thought, was best, he started to go back to being his old and joyful self.
He even learned a new trick the week before he died, we went on all his favourite walks, he made new friends! He was so sweet and loving and seemingly care free. We did have some super nice days.
And then he let go and stopped eating right when my friends were about to leave, and died when my other friend was here, after he could say goodbye. And we could have a nice funeral together.
Supporting my dog and being with him, when he died, naturally, was very challenging for me, but also something I knew was right.
I very consciously decided not to put him down, not to involve a vet, but to really give him the opportunity to die as calmly as possible and without strangers and needles and being suddenly cut out of life, something that I experienced as very difficult and traumatic in the past.
But I did have my doubts along the way. Because the process wasn’t pretty. Yet, when I noticed that the suffering was getting too much because he remained himself until the end, and had a very hard time letting go, I helped. With my thoughts and my words, and I guided him out.
It is so amazing, really.
We can decide these things, help these things, without force, or scheduling a putting down date, by just trusting ourselves and our divine powers, so we can help and allow for things to go in a way that is best for all involved – if we recognise and claim this power.
It’s what I’ve been learning and practising the last few years and what I now teach in the CREATRIX School.
We can all communicate, with animals, with plants, with spirits, and we have the power to create our experiences, heal ourselves and help others heal or support them on their journey, wherever they choose to go, we just need to trust ourselves and do it.
And to try and practice this is surprisingly and hard and easy at the same time.
Easy, because we already have all it takes, and hard because we have to overcome the belief that we don’t.
But to let go of these beliefs of limitation, is possible and it’s much more fun and less intimidating when you can practice it with others.
If you’d like to try this (more) for yourself, you are invited to join the CREATRIX School anytime.
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We all create our experiences with every thought, word and action. The question is just if we admit to it and use it for our own well-being and that of others or not.
Love, Verena
