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Let’s practice how to resolve conflicts peacefully

Don’t you sometimes wish you could get a do-over?

How often have you been in situations which have made you uncomfortable, in heated discussions, or in just a brief moment of something going on, and then, a few moments later, thought: If only I would have…

What if I told you, that you can actually practice these kinds of situations?

You can simply rewrite your own history by replaying the scene in your head and, instead of focusing on what went wrong, rewriting it in the way you wish it would have happened.

And it will allow you to live a different timeline from now on.

If you’d like to find out more about that, check out the ritual of the FAMILY chapter, where we try this out.

The main tool I’d like to introduce today, though, is called Forum Theatre.

Because this is something that works especially well in community settings, and this is the practice for the community chapter of the CREATRIX School.

In 2010, I went to Georgia (the country), to take part in a week-long training on Conflict Management for people working in the social field and /or areas of conflict.

It was a wonderful experience in itself as there were participants from, I believe, 30 different countries – some participants were from Egypt, from Palestine and from Israel, from Georgia, Armenia and Azerbaijan, places where neighbours were raised to hate each other, as well as many others from all around the world.
I remember how I sat there, the first evening, feeling all the different stories in the room.

Looking back, it still brings tears to my eyes, tears of joy and gratitude to be surrounded by people who were as eager as me to overcome the walls and barriers we were raised to defend.

But I didn’t just experience this unity and the common goal, to work together to create more love and understanding for all people on a personal level, I’ve also learned one of the most effective tools in this training when it comes to resolving conflicts.

And that is the Forum Theatre

It’s a wonderful tool to use, or practice, in community because it’s incredibly empowering.

What’s the Forum Theatre?

Forum theatre is a type of theatre, a form of role-play, created by Brazilian theatre director Augusto Boal.

It is one of the techniques often summarized under the umbrella term of Theatre of the Oppressed.

But you don’t need a theatre or actors and actresses for it – just a minimum of three people, ideally more, a room large enough to move around freely – and a conflict that you are looking to resolve.

One example of something that could be addressed in a Forum Theatre is street harassment.

If you’re a woman, or present female, or queer, I’m sure you’ve had a handful of experiences (or more) with this.

If we use street harassment as an example, as it is something many of us know, and that we maybe would wish to feel more empowered with, when we encounter it in the future, then one person has to play the role of the person who harasses someone, and someone else has to play the role of the person who gets harassed, and a third person could play someone who intervenes. 

Photo by Rina Mayer on Pexels.

How it works

The idea is to try out different scenarios.

So in the first round you would create a typical situation: one person standing somewhere, the other one walking by, and the standing person making and inappropriate remark, while the walking person feels uncomfortable but just keeps walking.

In the second round, you could have a third person intervene and say something to the harasser, and in a third round the harassed person could say something back themselves.
After that, other people from the audience can join in and offer and play out their solutions.

It’s really astonishing to see what solutions people come up with when they feel safe.

Because, obviously, this has to take place in a setting where people also feel comfortable saying what they think and feel.

Ideally, all participants would be divided into small groups so that each group gets to present one conflict (either that they come up with themselves or by picking from a list of prepared situations).
This way, everyone gets to present as well as watch from the outside and comment from there – because often our perspective is quite different when we’re not personally involved in the situation – so it helps to see and experience ourselves on all sides.

What’s this good for?

Imagine that you work together on a project and a certain conflict has come about – one that no one is sure how to resolve in the best way.

This could be a collective effort to resolve it together.

Of course, pointing fingers at someone will not be helpful, so this would best be presented in a way, in which it can’t be linked to individuals in the group.

Another way would be if you are involved in a community or setting and have encountered difficult situations outside your community and would like to practice how to handle them in the best possible way.

An example I remember from my past is, when some friends went to a march for life (anti-abortion march) and tried to talk to people about why they are against abortion.

These are difficult conversations to have, so it can help to practice them, by thinking about what people might reply and coming up with ways to kindly engage with that – without getting mean, or feeling offended or frustrated.

And it can also be useful when friends come together and someone feels not heard or seen at work or in their family – to practice speaking up or coming up with alternative ways to behave in those moments – together.

These are just examples, you can make up your own stories here, based on your experiences and what you would like to resolve, or find new ways of dealing with.

So, you can really practice this in a way that makes sense for you and your situation and experience for yourself how it can bring people closer together and how it’s also incredibly useful to come up with solutions that are often much more difficult to find without actually acting it out.

Can I also do this on my own?

Of course, you can also do this on your own by playing out different scenarios in your head.

We can come back to the street harassment scene, or just think of the last time we wished we would have reacted differently.

For that, we can just find a clear vision of how we would have liked to react instead – especially if we keep coming back to that moment and reliving it anyway.

It helps us to feel empowered next time we find ourselves in a similar situation because we now have programmed ourselves on how we wish to react.

It might still take some practice to come out naturally and confidently, but we can give ourselves the grace to not be perfect here, and begin to practice – so that we can get better.

This can help you to act better and more in alignment with your true self in the future – but it can also help you to feel differently about your past.

We can use this technique as well when we have had traumatic experiences in our past, in which we felt disempowered.

By replaying them with a different outcome, we can change how we feel about our past – now.

This works so well, because everything we experience now is always about the stories we tell ourselves.

If two people experience the exact same thing, it can be traumatic for one and not at all for the other, depending on the story they tell themselves about it after.

Just try it with something you’ve experienced yourself and imagine a different outcome and see how it makes you feel.

There is so much more about our lives, we can change quite easily, than we often think.

If we think we feel disempowered in certain situations – we will – until we create a different story.

And we can start doing that any time. It might take some practice, but I’d say it’s absolutely worth it.

We don’t just have to accept our memories as they are, or situations – we get to change them if it helps us to grow and prosper and fill our lives with more love and joy.

What a wonderful world.

Now, which problem are you going to solve like this?