Why Do You Bother?

Photo by me from my archive.

Dear Future Self,

I’ve started to write a book. Which is why I won’t be writing to you every morning until that’s finished.

But there are quite a few things that might find a place here as well as in the book. Everything is connected.

Sometimes it can be hard to bring up the courage to do anything. It can be difficult to write to you every weekday because in some moments I wonder if it really changes anything.

Yet, I keep going.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it to write a newsletter, or if I’m not just bothering people with it.

Yet, I continue. And I try to learn more, become more honest, see more, share more deeply.

Now my ego comes up and gives me all sorts of reasons why I can’t and shouldn’t write a book.

But it’s not going to stop me.

Because it’s just my ego trying to keep things as they are, finding reasons why things shouldn’t change.

The ego is always afraid of loosing its importance, and I guess rightly so.

However, the ego can also learn to enjoy resting more and to bother me less. I’m sure we can come to an agreement and find peace together.

So many things have changed already, especially when it comes to self talk. It’s quite funny.

I was in the process of attaching a shelf to the wall the other day, but I couldn’t get the screwdriver in the right angle to make it work.

When I noticed that I had to do this differently, I said to myself: This isn’t going to work, it’s not the right angle – my inner voice replied: I’m sure it’s the perfect angle for something!

I’m still laughing about that. And while I was laughing and sitting down on the floor, I changed perspective and found the perfect spot with the right angle.

It’s sweet, it flows.

Or another time when I was looking in the mirror and was unhappy about my body, though I looked in the same mirror and saw the same person the day before and everything was fine.

Reminding myself of that, my ego still kept pointing out flaws. So, my inner voice asked: Are you having a hard time today? And I could say: Yes, it seems so. 🙁

And then it asked if I wanted a hug, and I stopped and said yes again. As a result, the ego stopped talking and I could move on through my day, feeling held and loved and OK, despite having a hard day.

I didn’t even know I could be there for myself in these ways.

When I was exhausted this weekend and didn’t bring up the energy to write a newsletter, I received a message from a friend thanking me for the newsletters and telling me that he really enjoys reading them.

So, I wrote another newsletter, a bit later than usual, but it helped to hear that it mattered to someone.

Self talk is fine, but we don’t just live for ourselves. If we send things out into the world, we also need to hear that it’s being received.

When, I found it difficult to bring up the courage to go forward with the book, I received a message from a client saying how much her life has changed within a short period of time, because of what she learned in our coaching sessions.

If we don’t dare to do what we feel called to do, we won’t touch anyone else’s life and we won’t hear that what we do matters.

If we listen to the doubts of or ego, we will never get anywhere. Our ego can be, and usually is, our biggest bully.

But things can change if we start to be nicer to ourselves, to allow us to feel our feelings and not feel ashamed for having them.

Everything and everyone has it’s and their place. We can follow our hearts to let everything come together.

Yet, we have to dare to get out there, we have to dare to be vulnerable and to show our true selves to be loved and appreciated for who we are.

By ourselves and by others.

As long as we don’t bother, don’t try, nothing is going to change. We have to start the work with ourselves, to build up the strength to be vulnerable to learn who we are and what we want and need.

And then we won’t need ourselves all the time to be there for us, because we’re actually building the community around us, that we always longed for.

Meet yourself, learn to be (there for) yourself, and find the bravery to be you publicly. The love will come.

It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You get what you give out. And it all starts with the way you talk to yourself.

Dear Future Self, how is your self-talk going? Have you had any other funny or deep occurrences?

Dear Reader, how is your self-talk going? Do you dare to be yourself with others? Do you dare to show your true self?

I hope you do. If you’d like some support on your journey, message me.

I can’t wait to see you and me do more things, we never thought to be possible.

To make them possible because we bother, and because we care and dare.

With the support of the universe.

May we be powerful and open, full of love and life.

Have a wonderful day,


► My Future Self Journal ▼

Why do I write to my future self? ◼︎ ●

Self-Actualizing, personal development, the search for more options, finding out how to actually live our best lives, or simply experiencing growth and change for any reason, might feel weird, scary or uncertain.

Yet impermanence or becoming is something we all share.

I started to write and publish some diary post a while ago, and looking back at them even a month later, I felt like I should rewrite them because my perspective had changed so much.

But that would be like trying to erase the most essential part: the journey.

We don't just arrive at a certain point, we struggle, fight, fall down, run in the wrong direction, come back, stand up, fall again and yet continue.

We laugh, love, enjoy, paint, sing, dance, discuss and find ourselves surprised by the unexpected. With every experience, we spiral up and can dive into deeper levels of experience and understanding if we allow ourselves to do so.

This series is a documentation of a journey into the unknown.

It shows how vulnerability and fear can be present, and welcomed, and not stop us.

It's about admitting mistakes and acknowledging how easily we can be wrong, no matter how mindful, present, in tune and aware we are.

We'll never know until we try.

But most of all it's about celebrating life in all its different forms and shapes, colours and sounds and tastes, in depth and lightness - to witness life's endless beauty and continuous unfolding.

We are all a part of life's magnificence, the question is: How much of it do we allow ourselves to enjoy and experience?

The more we open up and liberate ourselves from what we thought we knew, the more we allow to see things in new ways and the more love we share, the more magical life becomes.

May we open our present with presence and let our future selves continue to experience life wholeheartedly.

May my honesty inspire yours and show you that there is nothing to fear. Everything is working out for the greatest good. ❤️

With lots of love for you and this world,

Get Your Personal Wheel of Colours

The Wheel of Colours is a traditional tool to help us understand what we need or can share in certain situations.

We are all made up out of the same colours, but they are arranged uniquely in each person – which is why we need or can give different things in different moments.

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Clarity - Confidence - Connection

In the CREATRIX School we bring clarity, confidence and connection into every area of our lives - and we look at a different topic each month.

This month is all about community, and thinking about how we can best work and come together with others - so that we can build the world we want to live in together.

It's fun, it's exciting, and it is surely also challenging, as we have to become honest about our wants, needs and desires.

What are yours?