What is Freedom?

Dear Future Self,

Just a moment ago, freedom was putting the laptop back to the side, to cuddle with a dog that was extra cute.

Eventually, it became, asking the dog to move a little so we can still cuddle, while I write.

To me, freedom is not something specific, it is being able to choose. In Buddhism, freedom lies in the moment between trigger and reaction and in the ability to react in that moment in the way we choose instead of how we are conditioned.

Most days it is in learning to hold myself, to be enough for myself.

Because addiction, or the need for outside validation, recognition, soothing is the opposite of being free.

Last week a friend came to visit and we had a long talk about addictions. I love these talks because they always draw me to blind spots, things I had not yet considered.

Alcohol, coffee, any kind of food were pretty clear to me: if you do it for pleasure it’s fine, but if you consume it because it serves a function, I don’t think it is.

And with that, I don’t mean the function of keeping us alive.

If we drink to relax, to feel more ourselves, to forget about our worries, it’s an indicator that we have work to do, to learn how to be ourselves without it, and to balance our lives so that we don’t need a drug to soothe us or to bring us pleasure.

If we drink coffee to help us concentrate and get us through a day, it again shows that our life is out of balance and we should do something about that instead of using a substance to mask it.

When we eat junk food or sweeties for pleasure or as a treat, it shows that we really need to rewire our brain to move from thinking that bad foods will somehow make us feel better, when really they contribute to our overwhelm, brain fog, cravings, energy imbalances – they keep us stuck in unhealthy cycles.

Now, my friend asked me what I thought about using plants, and as an aspiring herbalist, it thought it was an interesting question.

I do believe plants are our friends and helpers. We can eat vegetables and fruits as medicine and we can use plant extracts, herbs, leaves, flowers to support our health and well-being.

We will always have to eat, though from childhood on I was fascinated by the idea that we don’t really, and that there are people who sustain themselves by just meditation and breathing.

So much more is possible than we allow ourselves to believe most of the time.

Coffee can be good for us, if we don’t drink too much, same with a bit of wine or to take herbs that can help us heal or nourish us.

I’m moving towards creating a sacred kitchen, and can’t wait to try out this new approach to eating. I’ll write more on that soon.

Meanwhile, I believe we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves. I think we can enjoy everything that this world gifts us, as long as we do it consciously.

We are the ones who can check if something is nourishing or just giving us a short high. If something is actually taking more energy than it’s giving us in the long run.

Freedom is never being able to buy or have or consume everything, you can’t buy freedom as they say.

Being able to eat and consume as much as we can of whatever we want doesn’t actually make us free, it makes us sick.

We’re free when we can be happy with what is, feel and experience and enjoy ourselves without needing anything external, to soothe us.

When I’m able to find pleasure in everything that I do and to make choices that serve myself and others well, then I feel free.

Yesterday I went to Göttingen, to take myself out to lunch and to get some things for my new, sacred kitchen. On the way back to the car, I saw a girl struggling with too many bags.

I asked if I could give her a hand and ended up carrying her biggest bag to her new home because she was exhausted.

Freedom is being able to take the time when someone needs us, to meet and help out when we can.

Dear Future Self, when do you feel free?

Dear Reader, are there things in your life that you think make you feel better, when you know that they don’t? Can you liberate yourself from them? What do you do to feel free?

Sending lots of love and wishes for a beautiful Sunday,


► My Future Self Journal ▼

Why do I write to my future self? ◼︎ ●

Self-Actualizing, personal development, the search for more options, finding out how to actually live our best lives, or simply experiencing growth and change for any reason, might feel weird, scary or uncertain.

Yet impermanence or becoming is something we all share.

I started to write and publish some diary post a while ago, and looking back at them even a month later, I felt like I should rewrite them because my perspective had changed so much.

But that would be like trying to erase the most essential part: the journey.

We don't just arrive at a certain point, we struggle, fight, fall down, run in the wrong direction, come back, stand up, fall again and yet continue.

We laugh, love, enjoy, paint, sing, dance, discuss and find ourselves surprised by the unexpected. With every experience, we spiral up and can dive into deeper levels of experience and understanding if we allow ourselves to do so.

This series is a documentation of a journey into the unknown.

It shows how vulnerability and fear can be present, and welcomed, and not stop us.

It's about admitting mistakes and acknowledging how easily we can be wrong, no matter how mindful, present, in tune and aware we are.

We'll never know until we try.

But most of all it's about celebrating life in all its different forms and shapes, colours and sounds and tastes, in depth and lightness - to witness life's endless beauty and continuous unfolding.

We are all a part of life's magnificence, the question is: How much of it do we allow ourselves to enjoy and experience?

The more we open up and liberate ourselves from what we thought we knew, the more we allow to see things in new ways and the more love we share, the more magical life becomes.

May we open our present with presence and let our future selves continue to experience life wholeheartedly.

May my honesty inspire yours and show you that there is nothing to fear. Everything is working out for the greatest good. ❤️

With lots of love for you and this world,

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We are all made up out of the same colours, but they are arranged uniquely in each person – which is why we need or can give different things in different moments.

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Clarity - Confidence - Connection

In the CREATRIX School we bring clarity, confidence and connection into every area of our lives - and we look at a different topic each month.

This month is all about our families, and thinking about what we want and need here. Are you close to your biological family? Why (not)? Do you have a chosen family? Would you like to create one? What matters to you when it comes to family?

It's fun, it's exciting, and it is surely also challenging, as we have to become honest with ourselves and start imagining new possibilities.

What would your ideal family situation look like? Let's find out.