20 /// Dear Future Self – Do You Speak Up?

by | Aug 20, 2022 | future self

Dear future self,

When I was eleven or twelve, I decided not to be completely honest with other people, if it meant that it would hurt their feelings.

I didn’t think that that was what I was doing, though.

I thought I had decided not to say things behind people’s back any more. But quite often we make decisions and only see their consequences much later.

Nonetheless, this decision determined my life until I started my self-actualization journey and came to realize what I did and why.

I still see the situation right before my eyes: the empty classroom, wooden tables and chairs, the blackboard that was actually still black and written on with charcoal, the huge windows on one side of the classroom and me and my two friends in there.

We were so small compared to the size of the room.

And then there was this moment, when my friend confronted me about something I had said behind her back.

I don’t quite remember what it was, I think it had something to do with the toys that we were playing with at the time and maybe I told my one friend in confidence that I liked hers better than my other friends.

It wasn’t something major, as I was generally quite nice and honest I would think, but I found that situation uncomfortable enough to decide to never say anything about anyone (or their toys) that I wouldn’t also say to their face.

This decision has served me very well over the course of my life in some ways and not at all in others.

Just yesterday, I saw a Mark Twain Quote that said: “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” and I thought about that incident with my friends and how that has determined the course of my life.

And I started to wonder if I still remembered it because it was a moment in which I realized that speaking the truth can get me into trouble.

Now, I see it as one of the many moments in which I learned to conform to a sick society, to stay out of trouble.

Thinking about all of this, also made me come to realize how important honesty is, if we want to self-actualize or become our best selves.

You, I, none of us will be their best self AND a constant lier. I would even go as far as to say, that as long as you feel like you have to lie about anything at all, you are not your best self.

Now, I didn’t lie when I said what I said to my friend, I was completely honest, but I knew it would upset my other friend.

And not speaking your truth is a form of lying as well. So by making that decision, without realizing it, I decided to practice a form of lying to not upset other people.

My other friend wasn’t very good at hearing hard truths, and if you didn’t say that her toy was the best, then she would bully you until you did.

She clearly wasn’t being her best self, but at that point, I just knew that what I said had hurt her feelings, and I didn’t mean to do that and that my opinion wasn’t relevant enough to me to stay in a fight about it.

It seemed like a normal, smart move from my side. I did not see it as conflict avoidant or like I’m not standing up for myself.

I did not see that I was actually giving up my own opinions, silenced my gut feelings to try and not hurt somebody else’s feeling.

And, that in doing so, I contributed to a world in which it is OK to bully, dominate and silence people.

One hard truth is also, that if we allow for others to silence us, we contribute to normalizing silencing.

Now, at that moment, for me, how I reacted was still the only possible option, with the experiences and skills I had at that point.

We always do the best we can in any situation.

It was a coping mechanism I applied because I had not learned to stand up for myself, to think that my opinions mattered enough to speak up or knew how to resolve a conflict in a way that I could say my truth, without her taking it personally.

I allowed her to dominate me because I had learned that it was good and smart of me to give in, to not fight, to move on, not speaking my truth.

Since then, I have contributed to a culture that allows for silencing, that generates the idea that it is smarter, maybe even wiser to swallow your feelings than to pick a fight, with every time I did not speak my truth.

And so do you.

Now I don’t want to blame or shame you or me or anyone, but I believe that once we consciously start to reflect on our lives and our position in it, we become 100% responsible for our lives, and with that, we need to bring awareness to how we speak and act, so we can change our behaviours and through that our world.

When I look at myself and how I acted in the past, I look at it with compassion.

I can see that I did not have anyone in my life who would have modelled a healthy affective way of conflict resolution to me.

I also did not grow up to learn how to stand up for myself because my self-expression was often taken personally and as an offence.

It is quite interesting to see that the moments when that happened are still so present.

And it is only now, with the tools I learned through self-actualization coaching, that I can actually feel back into these moments and forgive all involved so that I can move on.

I’m more than happy to share these tools with you because it is absolutely freeing.

If you’re interested in learning more, book a call with me.

Because, not only do we suffer from this, if we do not consciously break with these childhood patterns, we will continue to teach them to next generations, and uphold unhealthy, unhelpful behaviour, which will continue to cause suffering for all involved.

Me standing up for myself and saying that I do think that my one friend has the cooler toy, but that I still love my other friend just as much even if she doesn’t have the coolest toy, would not only have allowed me to be true to myself, but might have taught her a valuable lesson too.

Dear future self, how have we proceeded with this? Did it become easier?

Dear reader, can you lovingly speak your truth yet?

Wishing you lots of love

and a voice that speaks from your beautiful heart.


Download your free future self journaling cheat sheet


This series is a documentation of a journey into the unknown.

It shows vulnerability and how shame, prejudice, judgement and fear can be present, and overcome. It’s about admitting mistakes and acknowledging how easily we can be wrong, no matter how mindful, present, in tune and aware we are.

But most of all it’s about celebrating life in all its different forms and shapes, colours and sounds and tastes, in depth and lightness – life’s endless beauty and continuous unfolding. We are all a part of life’s magnificence, the question is: How much of it do we allow ourselves to enjoy and experience?

The more we open up and liberate ourselves from what we thought we knew, the more we try to see things in new ways and the more love we share, the more magical life becomes.

May our future selves [continue to] experience life wholeheartedly.

Sustainable Business Directory

Shopping consciously is easy now

free newsletter

Sign up for free newsletter and be the first to know about upcoming events & offers. You'll also receive a free archetype poster as a welcome gift.

Facebook Group

Join the Generous Life Movement Facebook Group to connect with other community members and to get inspired to become your best self, regularly.

The three Elements of well-being:

Physical Well-being // Body

To fulfil our physiological needs, we need enough sleep, good food and enough exercise.

No matter what we want to achieve, we need to know how to best take care of our bodies.

The last years have brought up so much new research to help us with learning how to take very good care of ourselves and our loved ones with minimal effort. Let's get you started!

learn more

Woman standing looking over landscape and sunset- this is what it can look like to live your best life

Mental Well-being // Mind

Our mental well-being is strongly linked to our physical well-being and vice versa.

Once we know how to take really good care of our bodies, we can deepen our positive relationship with ourselves mentally as well.

We create the world we experience - if we want to change our experience, we need to change the way we interact with the world and to act differently we change our thinking 🙂 It's fun!

learn more

Relational Well-being // Soul

Change always starts with ourselves, and eventually brings us to being able to be fully present in community.

I don't believe in inner work, I practice and teach inner nourishing and letting go. Becoming quiet enough to hear what our inner knowing tells us.

So, we can safely, lovingly and joyfully be with ourselves others and inspire and uplift.

learn more

This might also be interesting for you

Our world needs you.
In your full power.

Start exploring new ways to be in this world.

How can I benefit from coaching? Life is precious, and it's a limited period of time we have on this earth, in this form. We can use this time to grow, experience, love, serve and learn.

Each of us gets to choose in every moment how their life is going to continue, but often we don't make the choices we want, but the ones we think are expected from us. And that leads to chaos, unhappiness and confusion because we're not aligned with our inner knowing.

Once we realize that we have the power to choose and change our circumstances, life enters into a more natural flow.

But to get there, we have some unlearning to do. We need to uncover the subconscious believes that keep us stuck, we need to leave our comfort zones and stretch ourselves, and we have to form new habits that serve us better. And that's what I'm here for, I will help you to become fiercely interdependent.

If you would like to work with me as a coach, I can guide you to find new options that are more aligned with your inner knowing, and to learn to trust your inner voice, to clear blockages that have been holding you back and to open up space for what really matters in your life.

On this journey you can find clarity, confidence, love, freedom, connection and so much more.

Getting Started is Easy


book a call

Book an explorative, safe and confidential Zoom meeting with me to evaluate your needs and goals.


If you'd like to meet regularly, you can book a package of 3, 6 or 10 sessions so we can cover all your growth needs.


We're always better together. I will guide you to practice what you learn in the sessions & you can share your new knowledge with others.