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The Romantic Archetypes

Dear Creatrix,

How did the exploration of your desires go?

What did you learn? Did you discover anything that surprised you?

I’d love to hear from you, either in a comment below or in our Facebook Group.

For me, personally, this exercise has shifted a lot.

I guess I already had a shift towards full self-love right before, but opening up and really naming my desires has given me a confidence I had never experienced before.

But as this course and my other work are keeping me quite busy every day, I also noticed that after the initial boost in confidence, a lot of exhaustion, sadness and also a bit of fear came up, as I wasn’t sure about how to proceed.

So today I finally took some time to listen in, and ask what these emotions wanted to tell me and as always, the answer came right away:

I forgot to celebrate and integrate.

As a result of this realization, I did actually give myself some pats on my back for the great work and allowed myself to be sad and say goodbye to the old me for a moment so that I can now move on happily again, feeling more free, refreshed and renewed.

I’m sharing this, as these exercise might trigger emotions in you as well.

And those emotions always come with a message, and if you ask them what they want to tell you, they will.

But no matter what might come up for you, I would like to celebrate you, too. 🎉

I’m so proud of you for feeling into yourself, for taking the time to explore your desires and allow the idea of finding true love and happiness for yourself.

You’ve been doing remarkable work.

We will continue to explore our desires and wishes a bit more, though maybe in a bit more practical way, today.

And for that, we will have a look at the Romantic Archetypes from my Archetypes Oracle Cards Deck.

The Romantic Archetypes

We’ve already worked with Archetypes in the Relax!//FAMILY chapter of the CREATRIX School.

If you are unfamiliar, or would like a reminder of why and how working with Archetypes can improve our lives, I recommend reading my article on How to Work with Archetypes for Empowerment and Clarity.

Once you’re ready, let’s have a look at the Romantic Archetypes and explore which of them we relate to and how and what that tells us about ourselves, and again our wishes, needs and desires.

There are nine different Romantic Archetypes: the Virgin, the Secret Admirer, the Prince_ss, the Ice Qu_ing, the Player, the Prostitute, the Pimp, the Rationalist and the Lover – each has their own right and place and we each embody all of them at times.

You can begin by simply reading through the descriptions and seeing if anything comes up.

You might relate to some of them more than to others.

Have you played this role often? Never? Or sometimes?

Do you know others who embody a certain archetype?

Just see what comes up.

The Virgin Archetype

Do you celebrate your innocence?

Virginity is a myth and a reality all at once.

When virginity is defined by an intact hymen, or other culturally constructed physical markers, it is meant to keep up power structures and to dominate or oppress and, as such, it is a myth.

But there is a first time for everything and until we have tried something for the first time, we are all virgins in this area of our lives which we haven’t experienced yet – and as that, it is a reality.

And first times can have an incredible power and magic in them.

The Virign Archetype, carries a sense of innocence, of not knowing (yet) and the anticipation of what’s to come.

It is a state to be admired because often when we see or experience things for the first time, we experience them much more consciously and intensively.

But it doesn’t have to be that way, we can always bring out our inner virgin and ask it to help us to see things with a beginner’s mind.

The Secret Admirer Archetype

Are you hiding?

The secret admirer knows what they want, but doesn’t dare to ask for it or doesn’t allow themselves to take the action they need to take to also have what they desire.

If we relate too much to the secret admirer archetype, we are stuck in a state of arrested development.

Occasionally, it can be a useful state though, when we are in a new situation, meet a new person and are observing the situation to think about where to go and what to do next.

Admiration is great, but it is very close to idealization, and often it feels safer to admire someone from afar than to contact them and allow for a real, mutual relationship – which might also include the shattering of an image of perfection.

There are things we can admire from afar or close-up: nature’s beauty, our magnificent universe, art, buildings, plays, maybe also famous people.

But when it comes to romance, being the secret admirer is not a state to remain in, but one to move through, before becoming an active participator and daring to be seen.

Because life is meant to be lived and experienced and not watched from a distance. 

The Prince_ss Archetype

The Prince_ss wants things done for them.

They value themselves highly and demand a certain kind of treatment.

Like all archetypes here, they are genderless and can come in female, male or non-binary expressions.

And we all need to be a prince_ss sometimes.

There is a thin line, though, between having high standards and expecting to be treated according to our own self-worth and looking down on other people and asking them to look up to us.

We shall not expect other people to treat us better than they treat themselves or than we treat them.

It’s great to know our worth and demand to be treated accordingly, but whenever we drift into the direction where we think that we deserve better treatment than others, we can stop and think again.

If you feel drawn to the prince_ss archetype, it might serve you well, to remind yourself that you only deserve to be treated in the very best way, just like everybody else.

The Ice Qu_ing Archetype

I think we’ve all been or dealt with an Ice Qu_ing at one or more points in our lives.

The Ice Qu_ing has their guards up and keeps a strong protective shield around them at all times.

Often there’s hurt and pain behind that shield of coolness, and it might seem like a tempting challenge to break through to them and try to melt their heart.

It’s definitely a dynamic I’ve found myself on both sides of a few times.

Everything serves a function, but when we see we are keeping people at a distance or that we are being held at a distance, then we can always come back to ask ourselves what we want.

Do we want safety or connection?

Do we want distance or intimacy?

To get intimacy and connection, we have to let our guards down and dive into the messiness of experiencing and allowing to meet up close.

There’s no way around that.

The Player Archetype

The player, not unlike the Ice Qu_ing, keeps people at a distance.

But while the Ice Qu_ing has an air of coldness around them, the player can be hot and fiery and lure people in, draw them close, pay a lot of attention and be incredibly charming just to turn around and disregard them in the next moment.

In the player, we can find some kind of detachment from their feelings.

I used to identify with this archetype a lot, especially at times when I felt that I should be in a relationship, or when I felt like I should hook up with people because it was the cool thing to do – but it had very little to do with me.

In those times, I found it incredibly difficult to access and allow my feelings, I sometimes even wondered if I had any, yet I also didn’t want to be alone.

The player is not interested in an honest connection, though, but wants to polish their ego and/or test their powers.

If you feel drawn to the Player Archetype, it’s probably time to check in with your feelings. Where are they? What or whom are they hiding from?

And then slowly start to see how you can allow for them to come out, even when, or especially when, connecting to others.

We’re all in this together, if we don’t treat people respectfully, it’s not ever going to end in anything good.

The Prostitute Archetype

Have you ever offered your sex appeal, love or sex, to get something that you want?

Then you’re familiar with the prostitute archetype. This has nothing to do with being a professional prostitute – it’s a part of ourselves which uses some of what we have to get something else.

Professional sex-workers offer a service, at least those who do this as their free choice, yet our world often condemns them for selling their bodies more than those who are selling their souls, by producing and selling weapons or sending people into war, exploitation or poverty.

The same way, we might also think this is something more despicable than being a Player or an Ice Qu_ing, or even a Secret Admirer.

But we do not need to judge here.

Anything that is not honest will never get us far when it comes to fully expressing our soul and finding true connection and happiness.

And most of the things we do, which do not really serve us, we do out of fear for a bigger evil.

So be kind to yourself when you notice that the Prostitute Archetype is arising in you and begin to see what you can do to feel empowered enough to see that what you wish for you can get – without denying or giving away parts of yourself.

The Pimp Archetype

The Pimp Archetype uses others for their own advancement.

Where the prostitute sells themselves to get ahead, the pimp is looking to find others to manipulate and use, so they can get ahead.

One really has to be distant from one’s own soul and heart to be able to do this, so if you notice that you are drawn to the Pimp Archetype, check in and see what it is that you need to connect to your true essence of love.

From the spiritual laws, we learned, that everything we do is a reflection of what we experience. So if you feel drawn to manipulate and use people, maybe you feel or are manipulated and used in a way yourself.

Either way, see what you need to come back to your centre and to stand in your power and see that you don’t need to exploit other people to get what your heart desires.

Karma is a part of life and what we do unto others will always come back to us, until we have cleared our karma and freed ourselves from our bonds.

Now is always the best time to start creating the changes we wish for.

The Rationalist Archetype

“I want a house, a car and a family.”

Does that sound familiar? Or:

“I want to have my family all set up before I’m 30.”

The rationalist has an idea about how things are supposed to be, and feelings don’t count as much as the image they have in their head.

And that image has not been created by their heart, but by their mind and what they think is expected of them or the right thing to do.

If you feel drawn to the Rationalist Archetype, it’s time to check in with your feelings and why you are doing the things you are doing or planning and if this really matches your heart’s and your soul’s longings.

There’s also an element of longing for safety or security in this archetype, which, again, is fear-based and not focused on expansion, joy or fulfilment.

Our heart and our emotions are our wisest guides, which should always be valued much higher than what other people, say, think, believe or expect.

The Rationalist Archetype reminds us of that.

The Lover Archetype

The Lover Archetype in it’s healed version is the most empowered of the Romantic Archetypes.

In this state, we know about our desires and wishes and can gracefully navigate loving, respectful and exciting relationships with our partner(s).

In its unhealed version, it can however also be ego-driven.

When the wish to be a great lover becomes stronger than being in a fulfilling experience, moment or relationship, we can notice that something is out of balance here.

However, when it comes to the Romantic Archetypes, I believe that here is where we can truly come to rest and balance.

As the lover, we can find love for ourselves and our partner(s), create deep and meaningful connections and experiences and fully express and experience ourselves in our bodies and in relationship with one or more others.

We can be lovers of life, of connection, of art, of romance, of good food – whatever we love and fully appreciate – we are present with and that anchors us in the moment, in ourselves and in our calling here on earth – to be fully human.

Now, that you’ve looked at all the romantic archetypes – what do you think?

Which of these do you relate to most?

When and how do they show up in your life?

In yourself and other people?

And then see if you can see the structures that underlay each of these Archetypes.

What do you and other people do to cover up fear, pain, insecurity?

What do you need to be in your full power, sensual, sexual, and open about your true feelings and desires?

When you think about yourself and these Archetypes – what do you do, when you experience pain, or fear or insecurity?

What is that you really wish for in those moments?

What would it take to do that, or ask for that instead?

So often we put on masks, we slip into roles, we put up our shields to cover up our real feelings, instead of having an honest conversation about them.

Often, we are so used to this, that we don’t even notice it ourselves.

But you have the awareness of these roles and archetypes now, and can begin to notice when you slip into any of these roles from now on.

And with this new awareness, you can begin to decide how you really want to react.

You can also ask yourself if playing any of these roles has ever actually got you what you needed or wanted?

We first become aware of our desires and needs, and then learn how to communicate them so that we can then step up for them – and this way they can actually be met.

And exploring this has been the task for this and the previous two lessons.

How to communicate our wishes and desires, is what we will learn and explore in the next three lessons.

For today, I hope for you that you will take some time to be with yourself and nourish yourself, and really feel into what you need, reflect on what you’ve learned and how you can give and be that for yourself first or what you need to do to build a support system to make life easier and more joyful for you.

As I’ve been feeling more and more into this, this week, I noticed quite a few interesting things coming up, which I might share about next week.

For now, feel free to leave a comment or post in the Facebook Group if you would like to share something or have a question.

Creatrix school – Chapter 07 – Relationships

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