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What Do You Need and Desire?

Dear Creatrix,

How are you today?

Over the last week, we started to look at our current situation, when it comes to love and relationships, and we tried our best to let go of what’s been holding us back, by starting to honestly inspect our lives and past relationships.

Self-love is key when it comes to being able to give and receive love, so I will give you a reminder to be loving, kind and gentle with yourself in each of these lessons.

We will have a whole chapter on self-talk and mindfulness soon, but it takes lots of patience and practice to really get all negativity and criticism out of the system, so it is good to take any opportunity to start practising.

In the last lesson, we saw why jealousy and comparison are not helpful if we want to change the way we live, or live happier and more fulfilled lives.

And we saw that jealousy is not just about being jealous that a partner might like somebody else better (which really is insecurity) but that we can also be jealous of a person’s life in general, as a way to distract ourselves from creating the changes we seek.

Today, we will go a bit deeper and really look at all that we are bringing to the table – and how we can learn to really love all of that by beginning to see that the way we are is incredibly great and that we are the way we are for a reason.

So, let’s look at some other common assumptions people have that are not helpful and that we can begin to overcome.

One misconception many people have, is, that they think that by finding the right partner, things will change for the better for them. And believe me, I’ve been there. This doesn’t make it true, though.

Because things will only be better when you make them so, and it’s honestly not very nice to expect someone else to do the work for you and to expect them to help you or guide you to feel better, just because you don’t know how to do it yourself – yet.

Because you can learn, and then show up as the best possible person for yourself and for your partner.

Another thing that is related, but different is, that when you have a partner currently, and think that if only they would change and became more attentive or attuned, you would feel better and things would change for the better.

Again, if you don’t feel good, see that you do what you need to do to feel better and don’t blame your partner for it or wait for them to make the first move -it’s your life, if you want something else change it, and your partner might either join you or not, and we have to accept that, as we all have free choice.

Just don’t ever wait on anyone else to change things for you. It’s not fair to them or you, because all it says that you don’t think you can do it on your own. And maybe that is true, but then that is something for you to learn, so you can grow into your full power and not for someone else to change for you – because that will keep you disempowered.

This might be a hard truth, so take it in slowly and carefully and kindly.

Taste it, feel it, get familiar with it, until you feel comfortable accepting it.

You might want to cry and grief for all them times you didn’t see that and that’s OK.

Tears always help us to cleanse ourselves, to release the old and make room for the new.

Feel your feelings and then get ready to do the work, because you are so worth it, and you deserve all the love in the world, especially yours.

So the key is, to figure these things out for ourselves and not to make our well-being someone else’s responsibility.

Our (ideal) partners have their own things to work through, so if we want to build a strong, loving and caring, balanced and lasting relationship, we have to work on being balanced and tempered, well-resourced ourselves before all else – so that we can support each other from there – lovingly, kindly, generously.

Just the other day I saw this quote again, that said something along the lines of: “Stop telling people they have to love themselves first to be loved, they are worthy of love despite their struggles.”

And I agree, everyone is worthy of love.

And you are 100% worthy of YOUR OWN love as well. Just start with yourself here.

Because the thing is, we attract people who are on the same frequency as we are, and so if we can’t love ourselves, we usually attract people who can’t love themselves either, and that makes for complicated and painful relationships.

So, it always comes back to the beautiful question of : “What do you want?”

When I didn’t love myself, I loved other people and other people loved me – but we had complicated relationships and constantly triggered each other’s wounds – which in a way is great, because the triggers are there to guide us towards healing, but when that happens through constant arguments or insecurities, it’s really hard, and we run the risks of causing even more harm and deepen the wounds that are already there and painful.

So, we just have to see when we have enough of that, and would like to open up to new possibilities, and that always involves being open to work on ourselves. And honestly, it is a very simple equation – the more we love ourselves, the more we love life – and everyone in it. And what we send out always returns manifold.

Because of this, I decided at some point, that I wanted to heal myself enough to match with people who have worked on themselves enough as well, so we can always (aim to) be kind, loving, understanding, generous and gentle with each other and help, and uplift each other, instead of trigger and hurt each other involuntarily.

And since then, I dated quite a few people, and I took each person as an opportunity to see where I am at, how I vibrate and how I still need to grow, to be able to eventually find that person, who I will love to be with all the time, but to get there I first had to figure out what I want now, and what my boundaries are, so I could notice when they get crossed, and to invite more of what my soul and my heart really desired into my life.

So, if you wish, I’ll invite you to do the same. And to find out what you want and wish for yourself, what your heart and soul desire, and what is in your soul’s blueprint, so you can align with that.

And to make that easier, we will now look a bit more at how we can get in touch with what we really desire and wish for.

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Creatrix school – Chapter 07 – Relationships

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