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← CHAPTER OVERVIEW

On Self-Pity, Jealousy and Agency

Dear Creatrix,

As I’ve said in the introduction, I am as much a student in this course as I am a teacher.

I’d looooove to be with my soulmate in a close and intimate way and create a relationship where I feel I can be myself and feel loved for who I am.

And the reason why this is not yet my reality, is, that I am not yet the person, who allows for that to happen, though I guess I’m getting there.

(And this is really not how I wanted to start this lesson, but it is very true, so here we go).

The things we would like to have but don’t have yet – will only come to us once we are ready for them – and finding out what we want, and then getting ready for that is what we do in the CREATRIX School.

When we are on autopilot and have not yet found clarity about what we actually want, or don’t allow ourselves to actually live our desires, we only get what we allow ourselves to get. And that is most likely not what’s best for us or anyone else, but it might be all we know, or all we’ve seen so far.

So we need to leave our comfort zones and open up to new possibilities to change.

As you might know, I lived in the countryside mostly by myself for more than two years, I moved there after my last relationship ended because the only thing I knew at that point, was, that I didn’t want to continue as before.

During that time, all by myself, I had the chance to really detach myself from society, general opinions, trends and a lot of what’s currently going on and begin to tune in to what makes my soul happy and sing and to truly meet myself and begin to explore what else might be possible for me.

I know I wouldn’t be here like this today, without having had this time and these insights.

How far I moved myself away from “regular life” I’m only noticing now, as I moved back to a city and started surrounding myself with people again more often.

But we can completely detach ourselves from everything we know, to become more free and conscious, wherever we are. We just have to have the wish to do so.

With the right guidance and questions and patience to look for the answers within, everything can and will become possible for anyone.

But we have to make that a conscious choice.

Studies found out that we are the average of the five people we surround ourselves with regularly.

We only use around 5% of our brain capacity consciously – most of the time we simply repeat what we hear, or have heard growing up.

So, when we hear the same ideas being shared, experienced and expected, it’s easy to think that if everyone is saying, seeing and experiencing the same thing, it must be true.

But it’s not – we’re all just copying each other and feeling safer in the group than daring to feel into our heart and inner knowing and walk the path that is right just for us.

You are here, so I assume you would like to do things differently from now on.

You are choosing to get to know yourself and to become your true and authentic self, your qu_ing self, so you too can live a free life and experience living in heaven on earth.

The wise Krishnamurti noticed this already many years ago:

“It’s no sign of health, to be well-adjusted to a sick society.”

We all get to decide, if we want to continue to adjust to a system that makes people unhappy and sick, or if we would like to walk on our own path confidently, happily and freely.

If you are ready to go deeper and find out what you truly wish for and desire in terms of relationships and also when it comes to deciding how you want to live your life in general, then today’s lesson will be very useful for you.

Simply start by looking around yourself.

Do you know any people, your friends, your family, who are really truly happy and content with their lives?

Do you know anyone who has certainty that what they are doing is for their own good and the highest good of all?

And then when you have answered this for yourself, you can move to the next set of questions:

Do you really want to continue to do the same as the people around you?

Do you really need their approval?

Or could you possibly even inspire them and support them in finding more happiness for themselves by prioritizing your own?