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Tools for self-recognition II: Numerology

Dear Creatrix,

How did the astrology part go for you?

What did you learn about yourself? Did you see yourself from a different angle?

We started the last lesson by thinking about how I had not been able to love myself and accept myself fully until last year, in part, because the surrounding in which I grew up was much more used to criticising and pointing out what’s not OK, or what they fear (and know from themselves), than to look at and reaffirm what is there and what is wonderful about each and every one of us. And whatever we do has an effect.

If we focus on the nice things, we see more of them, if we focus on the bad things, we see more of them – it never says anything about what is there, it just says something about what we focus on. And I think the exercise with looking at the birth chart and focusing on all the positive qualities we have, helped to set things straight – at least for those of us who have been criticised more than cherished – so far.

Because now it’s our job to turn things around, and to recognize and cherish what we see that’s good about ourselves, and others, so we can all help each other out and love each other and ourselves into wholeness and belonging.

So, how about you? How much easier do you find it to talk about what’s wrong with you, or what you did wrong, or what you are unhappy with, than what you love about yourself or what you are proud of?

How easy do you find it to openly compliment and appreciate others? And if you have children, parents or partners – how often do you point out what you love about them?

I would really like to make it a new practice to talk about myself with awe and excitement, rather than about the things that I could improve or that I’m working on in my life.

And I’ll start right here:

“How amazing is it, that I’m putting this course together and that I get up every day to create something that will help thousands of people live more joyfully and purposefully?”

And then: “How amazing is it that I exist and that I am present here on this earth?”

And then: “How amazing is that my presence here on this planet is enough to expect only the best things to happen – that there is nothing I have to prove?”

Try this for yourself, really do it.

The first one was relatively easy. When I tried to write the second and the third one, so many tears came up – it was really difficult.

I’m not yet used to thinking that my existence alone is enough to be happy and joyful and abundant – part of me still things I have to do something to be loved and accepted. But I’m getting there and you will too. 💖

It’s so easy to think that something is wrong with us, or that we have to prove anything to be worthy to be alive or loved or appreciated.

When I lived in the Roma communities in Ukraine, it was the first time I experienced an environment where people were actually looking at how to make people belong, how to find similarities, not differences, and where they were able to openly, publicly, gently and constantly show their love for each other.

And where the whole life evolved around that, around seeing what’s right with each other and not what’s wrong.

This is not to say everything people did there was right or good, but it’s one aspect of the life I experienced there, that I’m eternally grateful for, and even if you haven’t experienced it yourself, you can use this to make your life better.

Because when you don’t ruin your chances to grow by falling into self-pity and thinking: I wish I would have had or experienced that, then you can actually have and create it for yourself now.

Simply bring this possibility to your awareness and see what it will take for you to feel completely loved and accepted by another (imaginary or real) person, or think of someone that you can love without criticism (dead or alive, animal, plant, mountain, tree or human) because then you can begin to grow this ability within yourself as well, and we can all begin to train ourselves to see what’s right with us and others and to celebrate that.

It’s the beginning of practising unconditional love.

And I believe that practising unconditional love is part of living our purpose. How about you?

So, we looked at our birth charts, in the last lesson, to shift our focus on all that is right with us. There’s quite a lot, isn’t there? And we also had a look at the parts that might not be so beneficial and that we can learn to change so we can live in the best possible way.

The work we are doing this month, and in the CREATRIX School in general, is all about breaking with generational traumas and unhelpful patterns so we can live free and happy lives and don’t have to continue to carry the burdens of our ancestors.

Which in turn opens the space for us to focus on their and our legacy, to share the immense beauty and knowledge and creativity we all carry inside us – as well.

Because we are born to live and grow and change, it is our inherent ability. We can always keep what we love and let go of what doesn’t serve us any more. But for that, we have to see the good and the bad and begin to focus on what we want more of, or what we do want, instead of focusing on what makes us sad or what doesn’t work.

Otherwise, all our positive attributes, qualities, talents and powers, which we carry in us are dimmed by the heavy weight of trauma and unresolved issues because that is all we see.

And that shows best when we only share about our shadows and not about our light.

Just think about it.

Why do we tell people what we tell them when we meet them? What are we looking for? More often than not, we’re looking to belong, to be called in, and to feel understood. Why is it that we look to bond over the negative things in life? Why don’t we tell people how proud we are of ourselves? Or how happy we are with ourselves? Or how much peace we have in our lives now?

We don’t want to be called arrogant or full of ourselves. It’s a part of our group mentality.

But we can always change that, if we begin to realize how harmful that actually is and how much better our lives could be, if we did things differently. If we began to praise each other more and love each other more. (Instead of thinking something is wrong with someone if they say they are happy and at peace, including ourselves, or if we are getting jealous and avoid them because we feel inadequate in their presence – or fear that others would do the same to us).

Let’s really see how we can celebrate what we like about other people, how we can compliment them, how we can fan their lights and how to do the same for ourselves.

And remember, if you can’t say to yourself how much you appreciate yourself, it will be difficult to say it to others – so you know where to start – celebrate yourself!

And looking at all the positive qualities in our birth chart, is a wonderful way to start.

I mentioned in the last lesson that I made a drawing of my positive qualities, and I’d like to invite you to do the same.

I made mine last year and moved houses in between, but it’s still up on my wall, and I can look at it whenever I need a reminder.

Because all your parts make you unique and wonderful and beautiful, we’ve just been trained to pay more attention to the parts that are not so positive, or that, we think, need fixing – it’s not how we are, it’s just what we learned to look at.

This is my poster: