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Tools for self-recognition I: Astrology

Dear Creatrix,

How did the last two exercises go for you? I’d love to hear about it.

As you know, I’ve created this course and chapter in 2023 and this is the second year I’m teaching it.

So, when I first created the content for this chapter, while I did have a plan of what I wanted to talk about in each of these lessons, I also always let my intuition and my guides help me, when they wanted to take me somewhere.

As a result, as I sat down to answer the question of what has been keeping me from loving and accepting myself fully so far (the exercise from the last lesson), in 2023, my answers naturally led me to today’s topic, which again also helped me to answer the question.

You’ll see how, if you continue reading.

So, I’ll jump right in to what came up for me in 2023:

There are so many things that have been keeping me from loving myself, it’s difficult to start.

First, I never felt seen for who I was.

It seemed like everybody just wanted me to be their mirror.

So, that’s what I became. I scanned a situation and tried to be what was needed.

But I never scanned myself. There was never room for that, or I was too busy trying to see what others needed.

I always left my body in the presence of others, and now I often find it difficult to decide what is right for me or what I need (and this is actually predicted by my birth chart, which I didn’t know yet when I wrote this down).

I suppose it was only in the Roma communities in Ukraine, where I lived for two years, that I felt I could really be myself.

There I felt like the people around me had room and capacity and were actually looking to meet my soul and accept all of me.

I cannot describe the level of attention they give to people there.

They have incredible skills of watching without judgement. Of seeing and accepting you for who you are. Of wanting to get to know you, not by words, but by experiencing life with you.

I feel so incredibly blessed that I got to experience that.

I remember my daughter there, who is not my biological daughter – family is really created through love and time you spend together there, so the one who raises you, even if it’s part-time (me), is your mother, no matter what, and even if you also have another mother who you live with – saying: “I have your teeth.” And I looked at her puzzled, but she explained: “Look at it, we have really similar teeth, everybody in the village says it.”

And it’s this level of attention, of creating community, of finding similarities, that really helped me to open my heart.

Sometimes family is created out of necessity there, too. Like when I was invited to attend a wedding, that involved some travel and I could not share a room with a male person, unless we’re family.

So, it was quickly decided that we are family so that everyone could have a bed.
Easy and lovely.

Another time, they were asking about when we start to give solid food to babies, and I was like: “I have no idea. I think it’s written on the packaging.”

And they looked and nodded, and I asked them how they knew when the right time was, and they said: “Oh you can tell, when the baby looks at the spoon.”

As in, when it shows an interest in the food we’re eating, then it’s ready to try some.

It seemed like such a magical and perfect solution and I think if all parents watched their children like that, we would have a lot less stories of how the children refuse to eat new foods and spit it out (something I’ve never seen in Ukraine). And we can all learn from this, not just when it comes to raising children or creating families (I talk about this a lot more in the family chapter).

Because we can use this kind of attention and non-judgemental curiosity to watch ourselves, as well, and it can help us to find out who we really are and what we need.

I suppose the reason why the people around me, when I was growing up, gave me the impression that I should be their mirror is because they were looking to find themselves in me, and I was very sensitive. They were so preoccupied with themselves because no one has ever given them undivided attention, unconditional love, and told them that they are loved and OK however they are that they could only project themselves onto me – and I reacted to that.

They didn’t have the opportunity, or took the time, to find themselves in themselves so that they could meet me with non-judgemental curiosity. The Roma I lived with in Ukraine were raised with that, and so they could naturally share it with me.

But no matter how we were raised, though, we, as we are in the CREATRIX School, and becoming the CREATRIXES of our unique lives, have the opportunity to make this shift of acknowledging and meeting ourselves completely, so we can also begin to meet others as they are, and not because we want to find ourselves in them or be seen in a certain way by them.

So, how do we go about that?

We will explore a few different tools or modalities this and next week to help us with that, which will allow us to see ourselves in different ways and to get a better idea of who we really are.

And this can then support us to find out what we need to fully step into our power and align with our soul and our essence as well. Because it’s only when we find this alignment, that we can summon all the power we need to create all that we want to.

The topic for this month is purpose, and believe! and we’re on the way to also be talking about ways to discover our true calling. But, for all of that we need to know who we are, what our strengths and weaknesses are, and where we have been avoiding stepping into our full power – yet.

So, let’s get started with this.

And as a first step, we can follow our bliss and curiosity to get to know ourselves – like I learned from my friends and family in Ukraine.

It’s not so different from what I shared about the flowers and nature last week, is it? When you call someone into your family, so that everyone who is there has a bed to sleep in, you are looking for a solution, you’re not looking at the problem. They might have, just as well, spent hours worrying about what to do, how everyone will sleep and so on, but they didn’t.

Or the teeth, when my daughter there began to call me anyu (mum) because she came to my house every day, when her biological mum was busy with her younger twin siblings, everyone was happy that she was taken care of, and supported our relationship and growing bond by pointing out similarities – because they know that it is always a win if you have more people who love you and bond with you and who are willing to take care of you.

They could have just as well said that I’m not her real mum, and that she should rather stay home and help her mum with the twins (though she was three at the time, and everyone saw that she needed some extra care and attention and got it from me).

So we always have a choice to look at what’s right and best for all, or to focus on the problem.

We will look at this a bit more in week three.

For now, just use this for yourself, to learn a bit more about your desires and who you really are.

Is there someone whose teeth look like yours? Or who you feel drawn to in any other way? When are your eyes following the spoon? What attracts you? Where does your interest lead you?

Let’s use our curiosity to really see ourselves.

What do you have to do or not do, to think about or imagine, to feel happy and free? Take note of that.

I believe many of us have grown up in a way that tried to help us to adjust to society, to be a well-functioning member of a society that makes us sick – and not to discover all that we can possibly be and then live that happily – but, lucky for us, we can do that now, any way.

(I’m not going to go into what’s wrong with capitalism and colonialism here, but 🙂 it has led us to be in a situation now, globally, where wealth is distributed more unevenly than ever, and where most people are sick because they cannot live up to the demands – all of which we can only change if enough of us learn to empower themselves individually first and begin to live authentic lives, in their bliss and full power, true to themselves and using their superpowers for the greatest good of all – and then by sharing this lived experience with others – so we can all rise and prosper together – and here in the CREATRIX School we are well on our way).

The biggest problem, though, seems to be, that the solution is so easy that people can’t believe that it’s true.

Because everyone can do this, everyone can move from doing what other people do and say is right to finding out what’s actually good and right for them and start doing that.

And whoever does – is free and will inspire more.

It’s why you are here, right? It’s really as simple as that.

But as with many things, what’s simple is not necessarily easy.

For us to recognize this and live freely, we also need to trust and believe that this is really all it takes – and that’s why the CREATRIX School is one year long – so we can really begin to feel this in our bones, and use it in all areas of our lives – as it takes practice and repetition.

Because we also have to become strong enough to ignore all the voices around us, that ask us to be like them, to not change, to not be different, to stay right in the suffering there with them – it’s what I experienced from childhood on, and what took me forty years to emancipate myself from.

Yet, because I learned how to do this the hard way, I can now share it with you and make it easier for you – which is great for me as well, in the long run, as we are all one – and it only takes one to find out, to free all of us.

So, to make this easier, we will be using different tools, not just our curiosity (but this can be a lifelong exciting journey from now on), to help us uncover or rediscover, what might have been covered up or forgotten when we tried to fit in, tried living up to the expectations of others or becoming a well-functioning member of a sick society to quote Jiddu Krishnamurti (“It’s no sign of health, to be well-adjusted to a sick society.”).

And this is what we are doing this month.

So, let’s have a look at the first tool we will be using this month, which is astrology.

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Creatrix school – Chapter 03 – Purpose

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