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 ← CHAPTER OVERVIEW

Everybody is Always Doing Their Best, Including You

Dear Creatrix,

How are you, today?

In the last lesson, we covered quite a lot of ground, so let’s enjoy and embrace that. In a way, what we will be doing in the next few lessons and weeks, will circle around what we explored in the last lesson: the relationship between our self-image, our thoughts, actions and emotions, and how we can use the clarity we find in how these interact with each other to make our lives easier, more peaceful and more joyful.

So, let’s start with the most important question: What do you want, when it comes to living with others peacefully?

Because this mindset shift is for you, if you would like to build better relationships with yourself and with the people around you, and if you’re ready to forgive and take things more lightly. So you can let go of judgement and resolve conflicts with ease.

If you like to continue to hold on to grudges or to dislike people and to live a complicated life full of misunderstandings and regret, then you can skip this.

To begin, please think about this: Have you ever been mad at someone or yourself because you think they or you could have done something differently?

You’ll never have to be mad about that again. Because everybody is always doing their best in any given moment.

Again, people tend to disagree (strongly!!!) when they first hear that, but, again, please prove me wrong if you can.

As we’ve seen in the last chapter, there are no benefits in holding on to negative beliefs about ourselves and other people whatsoever. And as I promised, we will see this more clearly and explore this more deeply in each lesson of this chapter.

You can take this mindset shift as one of these deepening practices.

To begin, just play along with me for a bit:

This world is soooo old and human evolution has been going on for such a long time that we can’t even recall all the events that happened in our own lives, let alone comprehend everything that has happened to somebody else.

Yet, we feel like we are able to judge and oversee everything that is going on and feel like we’re capable of saying or have the right to judge how another person, or we ourselves, could have acted better in any given moment.

We don’t know anything, really, and it’s time to admit that, and to let go of the pressure we feel to control everything at all times. (This is so important! We take on responsibility for things we are not responsible for at all, and we suffer greatly from it, because we’re doomed to fail and fail again and again if we try.)

I think, this is also where Astrology, Numerology, the Enneagram or Wheel Of Colours and other forms of learning about our unique path or blueprint to life come in. We can learn who we are and what we are and how the world works for us, how we act and function in this world, what we need and that it is OK to be the way we are, even if or especially because we are different from other people. We can also just follow our emotions and let them bring us into alignment, like we explored in the last lesson – but we are creating our experiences, and so judging others or ourselves is never beneficial.

So, no matter what your unique blueprint is, the mindset shifts we go through in this chapter are relevant for all, and to accept the truth that everyone is doing the best they can at all times, including you, will make your life so much more fun and joyful, without ever causing anything negative.

So let’s have a look at what this might look like in our lives. Imagine this situation:

You meet your partner in the evening, there was something going on with you all day and when they come home, or you come home to share what you’d like to share with them, they do not react the way you hoped for.

What do you do? People tend to get upset, or feel unseen, but maybe their reaction has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Your partner might have had a super shitty day that you know nothing about and the words you used might have triggered something subconsciously in them that you have no way of knowing anything about, because they don’t even know about it consciously.

On top of that, they didn’t have enough to eat today and really needed to pee when you said what you did, so their answer wasn’t what you wanted.

Tough luck. Can we move on?

It’s so easy to come back to identity in these moments: “They always do this, I never get what I need.” Whatever your storyline is.

But the fact is, it doesn’t matter. We need to learn to be really honest with ourselves here. If we decide to draw this conclusion (“I’m bad, I’m not worthy, they are bad, they don’t deserve me”), that is our choice, it is not a given, and we have other, wiser and more fun options. 

And unfortunately, your self-image is most likely what has created this situation in the first place. Because if you think of yourself as someone who has a partner who is not there for them, then you will find proof of that in every interaction.

So, don’t blame them for their reaction, use what you learned in the last lesson and see your world and your relationships change.