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Not that long ago, I talked to a client about what her ideal relationship would look like and what her expectations were when it came to relationships.
It turned out, that she had never thought about it and in her experience, relationships were always about struggle and fights in exchange for not having to be alone.
On that day, I thought back to how I was raised to see relationships and how I see them now, and I’ll share a bit of the transformation that I went through with you in this article because chances are that you might want to change your perspective as well, if it is your intention to manifest your ideal relationship.
And I’m curious: What would your ideal relationship look like? What are your relationship goals? What have your best relationships looked and felt like?
Have you thought about it? If not, why not? If yes, do you have your ideal relationship already? And if not, why not? What’s missing?
We can only get what we want if we have a clear idea about what it is that we do want and what we don’t want.
What is not an ideal relationship
Often it’s easier to start with what we don’t want, than to know what we do want.
And this, for most people, like my client, starts with not wanting to be alone.
So much so, that we often think we need to tolerate a lot of what we’re not happy with, in a relationship, as a fair price to pay for just not being alone.
This, to a certain degree, has been what I believed in my past as well. I wouldn’t ever let anyone treat me badly, but I made far too many compromises.
I grew up being told that compromises are the basis for any lasting relationship.
That belief, mixed in with low self-esteem, made me feel lucky that people wanted to be with me in the first place and I thought that not getting everything I wanted in a relationship was just how things were.
“We can’t always get what we want.” Or: “Who are you to think you can have a perfect relationship?”
The message I received, wherever I looked, was not to dare to think I could get exactly what I wanted.
But we can get exactly what we want.
Especially when it comes to relationships. Why would we go for less, if we can have what we truly desire?
What’s the use of a relationship if it does not add to your absolute, complete happiness?
How can a relationship enrich your life?One of the first things, that is key to finding, living, creating your ideal relationship, is to see the relationship you are looking for not as a necessity. Like with everything we want to manifest, this is the key element we need to bring in to find ease and get out of desperation. We focus on the joy, the desire and are not on trying to fix an unpleasant state or ourselves with something external, like a relationship. Your ideal relationship, like anything else, starts with doing the inner work.
We first have to understand that we are whole and perfect as we are and then can come together, to play, grow, evolve and explore with our ideal partner.
But most likely, if you are reading this, you’ve not had a chance to become your true and authentic self yet. Because if you did, you’d already know exactly what you are looking for and how to get that with joy and ease.
So, if you would like to start doing the inner work to come into a feeling of wholeness and being fulfilled on your own so that you can then manifest your ideal relationship, you’re invited to join the I AM CREATOR School, where I will show you how you too can become your best self and live life with purpose, confidence, joy and lots of love.
Because the thing is – we will always attract people into our lives who vibrate on the same level, who’ve done as much inner work as we have.
So if we’re not sure about who we are and what we want, we will attract and meet people who don’t know either and with that, we will most likely not be able to give and receive reliable happiness.
With insecurity about who we are and what we want, we’re bound to run into trouble, misunderstanding and confusion, most likely ending in heartbreak.
The I AM CREATOR School is set up, so you can find clarity, confidence and lots of love and joy in every area of your life, so that you will no longer have to deal with frustration and confusion and master all challenges with ease.
You see, if we grew up and live in an environment where we have never seen a healthy and happy relationship, it’s hard to imagine one and without the imagination, or a clear image of what we want, it is hard to create one.
Which is why I’d be happy to show you how to plan out your ideal relationship so that it can actually manifest in the I AM CREATOR School.
But I’d like to give you a head start now, so you can begin manifesting your ideal relationship and see if this method works for you.
Around the same time, that I had the conversation with my client, I listened to Melissa McCarthy on the We Can Do Hard Things podcast, and the hosts asked her what relationship advice she would give to her children.
She said something like: “A partner should cheer you on when you are winning and be there for you when you are not.”
And I do think, in a way, these are the most important qualities when it comes to living and experiencing a great relationship.
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Now think back to your current and past relationships. Has this always been true for you?
I wish I could say, that I have always had that in past relationships, but I didn’t.
More often than not, I found myself in relationships where people were jealous of my wins instead of being able to celebrate them with me or who turned away from me, when I was feeling sad or unhappy because they couldn’t handle it.
My ex-partners, and I at the time, were people who would agree that that wasn’t the way it should be, or how we wanted it to be, yet, we also didn’t know how to be different because we had never experienced anything else.
We were caught in a loop, in which we repeated the same frustrating patterns others before us modelled because they were the only things we knew.
So, what can we do?
The first step is always noticing that something is going on, that we are not willing to put up with any more.
The second thing is to recognize, that if we want to change this, we have to change ourselves, not our partners.
If we find ourselves noticing this while we are in a relationship that we don’t want to end, then we can definitely do the work together with our partner, if they want that as well.
But we can also do it without them because if we change, our relationships will also change automatically.
How can I become an ideal partner to attract my ideal relationship?
Which leads us back to the beginning. If we would like for our partner to cheer us on when we are winning, we can check and see if we are cheering them on, when they are winning.
If we’d like for our partner to be there for us when we are down, and then we can check if we are actually there for them when they are down.
And then we can take it from here.
How do we know if our partner is down, do they have an easy time sharing about their experiences or letting us in?
Can you ask them what they wish for?
But even if you are not in a relationship right now, see that you can get a clear image of what it is that you want, and then see how you can be that for the other person as well.
While we don’t all have to have the same qualities and ways of being, there are certain things that we do all want: Like a partner who has the capacity to listen to us, who is attentive, who trusts us, who adds joy to our lives and so on.
Can you be that partner?
A companion, lover, partner is such a wonderful thing to have and to be.
In the past, we’ve been told that relationships have to be hard work, that we can’t have what we want, often also that relationships can limit us in our unfolding, or that we need them to be ok.
But we do have other options. And we will explore these other options in the month of November (no better time than Scorpio season for this!).
Because it is possible to be free in a relationship, to grow together and to love unconditionally.
It is possible to simply add more joy to each other’s lives, and to busk in that joy together.
Are you ready to manifest and live your ideal relationship? Then join the I AM CREATOR School, and let’s make this happen, together!