Friendships – Week 2 – Pt. 2

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What are your friendship roles?

Dear Creatrix,

How are you today?

This week, we started to think about ourselves as a friend, and remembered that it is up to us to become the friend we wish to be, to be able to create the friendships we wish to have.

How did that feel? What did you learn?

We also remembered that to live a healthy life, it’s important to have people we trust and feel at home with – so if we don’t have this now, it’s up to us to change that.

And a big part of that is doing the inner work that enables us to let our guards down, to trust others, and to allow for others to take care of us as well.

When it comes to longevity, and people who stay happy and healthy in their old age, studies show that these people are always part of a community, that they feel like they belong and that they are contributing to the wellbeing of others.

As humans, we feel better if we feel needed and necessary and powerful in the sense that our actions make a difference.

So we will see that we integrate these aspects in our friendships today as well, by looking at the different roles we can play as friends.

And we will also have a closer look at our past and how we have experienced friendships so far, so that we can see where we might have to make changes – when it comes to alcohol and drugs – but also just to be authentically ourselves and be versatile in the ways we are with other people.

For this, we will go back to the exercise from last week.

Last week, I asked you to take out a piece of paper, to look through your old photo books and to think about the friends you had as a baby, as a toddler, in school, as a teenager, in college, when you got your first job, and so on.

Do you remember what memories came up?

What did you cherish about these memories?

Which experiences stood out?

Was it when you did something nice for someone?

When you supported someone?

Or when someone supported you?

Was it a difficult situation you mastered together?

Challenges you overcame together?

What made you feel safe and believe in your friendships?

And I will start by sharing some of my experiences again, so you can look for parallels or differences, but get an understanding about how to dissect your past, to learn from it for your future.

One of my most vivid early memories, when it comes to friendships, is, that I had only one best friend in Kindergarten and that I would only play with her and not with anybody else.

Not because I didn’t like anybody else, but because I was happy with her and I felt safe with her.

But on the days when she was sick, I hid under the table and didn’t want to play with anyone else because my sense of safety was linked to feeling connected with her.

Actually, now that I think about it, I had a similar experience before that, in preschool as well. Only that then, my best friend moved away for good, and I didn’t want to go back to preschool for a really long time because of it.

But I also remember how another girl, who I’m actually still friends with now, at least on Social Media, came to me then and said that we could be friends. And starting with her, I began to make more friends as well.

For me, to feel loved and supported means that I feel safe (in the Wheel of Colours we can look at field seven, what we each need to feel safe and to act freely in this world – look at yours to see what you need), and those friends gave me a sense of safety that allowed me to open up and be myself.

I also remember that when I started first grade, my mum told me that I should make more than one friend because she didn’t want to see me sad and devastated again, if my one friend moved away or got sick, and so I did.

But what neither of us knew, was that it was actually essential to me to have these friends and the connection with them to feel free to act as myself (which I only fully understood myself through the Wheel of Colours).

I made quite a few friends in this first year in school, and we all stayed friends, or at least in contact, until we all graduated from High School thirteen years later.

Photo by Askar Abayev on Pexels.

These early friendships did not last though, we all went our separate ways after High School, and while we also met up a few times after I s…

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