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How can we heal ourselves?
Dear Creatrix,
In the last lesson, we learned a lot. About how our beliefs about ourselves change our experience and how we can change our health and physical features by changing the way we think about ourselves, and talk to ourselves.
While we talked about all aspects of that, in our exercise we mostly continued working on our outward appearance and how we see ourselves.
Today, we will focus more on our physical and mental health.
As I’ve mentioned last week, I was diagnosed with epilepsy, when I was 15, and I had a chronic ear infection since childhood. For as long as I left this unchecked, I felt flawed because of it, and that had effects on the way I thought I could be in the world.
A lot of fear was connected to my epilepsy, especially, because doctors had told me about all the things I wasn’t allowed to do if I wanted to prevent further seizures: no blinking lights, no swimming in deep water, no loss of control, no surprises, not missing any sleep and so much more.
I didn’t necessarily do all of it, but if I didn’t, I didn’t just feel flawed, I also felt guilty.
The same with the ear infections: I was told I couldn’t go out without a hat, I had to be careful when swimming, and so on.
Looking back, it’s quite astonishing to see all the things I went through and how much I limited myself to prevent pain or disease. And I did this for close to 40 years.
Not because it made me feel good, or seemed to help me feel better, or because it felt right or like it worked, but because other people told me so, and were so strong about it, that I thought even worse things would happen, if I didn’t listen to them. And I had the underlying belief that adults or experts would know better what’s good for me, than I did.
I guess we were all raised to believe that, instead of being trained to listen to our body’s inherent knowledge and wisdom, and to tune in, to let it guide us to emotional and physical well-being. But we are here to change that now.
None of what I was told worked, by the way.
It just kept me in a constant state of anxiety, insecurity and a sense of shame for my flawed body, and it evoked feelings of guilt and shame that I did not stop having fun completely, to be healthy. It kept me in a disconnect from my own power.
And, so for most of my life I lived with all kinds of limitations that these recommendations brought into my life – which blocked the flow of life and with it my health, and actual state of balance and well-being, and it prevented me from learning how to trust myself and my body.
I was told that I wasn’t allowed to do the things that felt good and made me happy, and was instead told to act in ways and adopt behaviours that made me unhappy and made me feel limited and broken.
And this is how we all learn to mistrust our intuition and our inner knowing.
We have really learned to forget that our emotions are not random, or wrong, they are here for a reason. They are here to tell us how we are. And we’re quite in tune with them as children. But as previous generations have been shamed and punished out of listening to and trusting their intuition, so have we.
Often, all the things that made us feel good were forbidden: Running around and being wild and free. Singing, screaming for joy. Or when our instincts told us not to do something, we were told to do them anyway. Or we were told to follow the rules and not our gut.
Again, we are here to break this cycle.
So, most of us have been told to look for outside opinions and approval to try to make things work, or feel loved or be well, instead of listening to our feelings. We’ve also been told that many of the things that don’t feel good are good, even though that is barely ever true.
We talk about this in the home chapter, a bit, how we can ‘inherit’ that cleaning or cooking or home-keeping is bad, for example. Or paying bills. Or being sick. But these are just assumptions, cultural norms, traditions, not truths – and so we can change them.
Because feeling bad about the necessary things or about prioritizing ourselves doesn’t help us – it limits us.
And we can simply decide to start doing these things joyfully – as we discover and explore the benefits of doing them, and our power to decide how we want to live our lives.
For this, it is essential to acknowledge that our feelings and emotions are our guides indeed. They show us if our actions are in alignment with our highest self (and mine is singing happily as I write this). If you’d like to know how our feelings, emotions, and actions are intertwined and can give us perfect guidance, you can read this article from the mindfulness chapter.
Because it will help you to take a step towards trusting yourself more.
Which might be helpful, if you want to start being more in control of your health and well-being.
In short, it goes like that: Your beliefs determine your thoughts and your actions. And your thoughts and actions create your reality to which you react. Your emotions are your guides here, as they can direct you to what you have to change.
One example that relates to this topic: A doctor tells you something is wrong with you. How do you feel?
Think of yourself as being healthy and happy and that that health issue is not a problem. How do you feel?
Now, as you create your reality by the way you think about yourself and how you will act accordingly – you can see where either of these reactions will take you.
All you have to do is choose the one that makes you feel better – to feel better, and not the one that makes you feel worse.
But only do this once you really believe in this.
And then, before I continue, I’d like to say this: When I share things about my health and the limitations I experienced because of it, you might think that I lived a life full of limitations, if we don’t know each other well.
And this is true and not true. I now know that I did. But I did not know that at the time.
So, when you read what I have to say, I’d ask you to also become aware that I am saying this in contrast to how I feel now.
If you think you are fine, and that you are not limited in your behaviour, then I’d ask you to very honestly inspect your life again. You may just be so used to all the limitations that you put up with, that you don’t even notice how much you really limit yourself.
At the time, before I started my own self-actualization journey, I thought I was living a perfectly happy and well-adjusted life. And I definitely never felt more limited than other people around me. And the same is most likely true for you – as very few people are actually free yet.
I was lucky, though, because I had the opportunity to live with a very tuned in person for a while, who had already gone through a lot of training to get in touch with her body in various ways, and who directed me to all the limitations I had accepted until then. Without her, I could have easily spent the rest of my life, completely oblivious of the possibility of a beautiful life like I get to experience now.
So, just don’t think you are fine until you know for sure. Because I promise you that so much more is possible for you too.
If you don’t feel happy, free, empowered and content 99% percent of your day – there’s room for improvement.
Just because all people are unwell, stressed and insecure, it doesn’t mean we have to be that as well.
We can choose differently and then inspire others to do the same.
Just the other day, I talked to a client with a migraine, who said they have no hope of ever getting rid of it, they are just trying to not have it too badly, after all they function well enough in society and are well-adjusted enough with everything they have now.
It broke my heart to hear that.
Because we have to start with a wish and a hope and desire to be willing and ready to open up to change. And we all limit ourselves, every time we think we have to accept our circumstances as they are – no matter what they are.
So if you have allergies, or get a cold every year, if you have chronic diseases, food intolerances, migraines, if you need glasses or hearing aids, or medication of any sorts, if you take painkillers occasionally or often, if you don’t feel healthy or fit mostly all the time, or think that your health is going to deteriorate as you age, you are limiting yourself – and if you wish, we will change the way you think about yourself and these things today.
