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← CHAPTER OVERVIEW
How do our bodies interact with this world?
Dear Creatrix,
How did it feel to warm up to the topic? And what did you feel?
What did you notice in your body? What new things did you learn about your body?
Today, we will explore how our body interacts with the world and how that shapes our experience.
And we will start here: Do you ever think about what other people actually see when they see you?
And what do you see when you see pictures of yourself, past or present?
Do you see yourself as a man, or a woman, or as non-binary, or trans*, queer or something else?
Do you see yourself as white, or black or brown, or do you see/show that you belong to a cultural or religious community?
Do people assume that you are local when they see you in your neighbourhood?
Or do they think you are not, no matter if you are or not?
Are there things that often happen to you, that you attribute to the way you look?
Just think about these questions to get a better idea of who you are in your body.
We’ll do an exercise to get even more into this, a little later.
Before we get there, I’m going to share an experience with you.
A few years ago, I was a bit bigger than I am now. I’ve had body and self-image problems and thought I was ‘too big’ or ‘too fat’ most of my life – and so it manifested.
Though I really want to make sure that when I say this, I don’t think anyone is ever too big or too fat, people are how and who they are, and beautiful and perfect as they are. Everyone gets to choose for themselves, I would never judge that.
But this was the way I thought about myself, it’s what I heard growing up, and what I therefore adopted as a way to see myself, when I was still unaware of how my thoughts impact my existence, and used them quite carelessly.
At the time when this story took place, which must have been between 2020 and 2021, I didn’t even actively want to lose weight, I just began to change my diet and to learn more about nutrition, and I stopped drinking and smoking, and so I lost quite a lot of weight in quite a short amount of time as a result – and I felt fantastic.
I felt strong and confident and beautiful like I had never felt before.
But what I noticed – strangely enough – was, that no one was hitting on me any more, and I thought that was really odd.
Honestly, just a year or so before, I started a campaign against cat calling because I had been touched and stared at, and had to endure so many comments on my body all my life, mostly by men.
I especially remember one conversation, in the park, when a guy walked up to me while I was walking the dogs and told me how much he liked my a**. And I replied something like: “Good for you.”
Showing no interest in a conversation at all.
Yet, he kept telling me how often people are ashamed of having bigger a**es, or think it’s not attractive, but that he actually likes it. I told him that I’m not interested in him or his opinions, yet he continued. Eventually, I told him I’m a lesbian (and you don’t even know how many guys say: “I don’t mind” – and how often I had to say, but I do! It’s such a strange world). Eventually, he got the message that I’m really not interested in him, and he left me alone.
I clearly struggled with setting my boundaries and asserting myself at the time.
And so these things happened – a lot.
But after losing weight – they completely stopped.
And that really made me think.
I felt a lot more beautiful than I did before. How come I’m not getting more attention, but less?
And I realized that those people who had approached me before, whether they actually thought I was attractive or not, were consciously or unconsciously attracted to my insecurity. And to the fact, that they associated the way that I looked with generally being less attractive – and therefore they might have a shot with me.
It’s not very romantic, really.
They simply thought they had better chances, when they assumed, that because of my figure, I had a lower self-esteem and that by looking differently, or more ‘traditionally beautiful’ and stepping into my power more – people didn’t dare to hit on me any more in the cheap ways they did before.
It really changed my view of the world – and how differently you can experience the world as a woman.
Because until then, I thought my experience was the universal experience of being a (white) cis-woman in a patriarchal world, yet it turned out it was also related to my shape and the linked associations with that body type.
It helped me understand ‘thin’ privilege.
Because there was more.
Going into any shop and finding clothes that fit was another thing that was entirely new and foreign to me.
Had I been thin all my life, I might have thought I lived in a normal world and everything was fine always, but the change showed me, that before the world seemed discriminatory because it was – and it still is, I just don’t experience it any more because I’ve changed.
And I share this with you because I think it is so important to become aware that no one is overreacting when they are describing their experience – because what they experience is their reality. Even if you might have never experienced the same.
If you’re not in their mind, their skin, their shape, their gender, their abilities, you might have no idea.
And obviously, that also means you can change your experience.
In my example, my body shape changed, and so I disappeared off the radar of many. And I might have also started to feel more confident because I wasn’t harassed as much any more, without even knowing it.
But you can also often change your experience by the way you see yourself and by how you interact with others, without having to change anything about your physical appearance.
And we will dive into this deeper in the upcoming weeks.
For now, maybe just reflect on how you have felt in different places, or in different shapes, or times and how that might have been related to your inner state or the outer state of the world.
And then, let’s get to the exercise for today.
